


A Second Advantage

by chenab



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirate, F/F, Piratestuck, Slavery, felt murder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-06
Packaged: 2018-01-07 20:07:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chenab/pseuds/chenab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One advantage would never be enough for the pirate queen, she would get what she wanted timeline and omnipotent assholes be damned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Second Advantage

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thiefoftoast](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thiefoftoast/gifts).



> The request was for "piratestuck handmaid"

Two women stepped off the gangplank, one sober and one drunk. It was the sober one that struggled to keep herself upright after so long at sea. The drunk woman pushed the sober woman into the sea, then laughed and walked off, leaving her slave to pull herself out of the water and try to catch up.

Mindfang stepped onto the street and inhaled deeply, salt, alcohol, and blood tainting the air. She smiled, this crime ridden slum of a port city was like home for her. Foreign emotions and thoughts touched the edges of her consciousness, so many minds that she could easily dominate. She was utterly intoxicated.

Only one mind, however, was worth her full attention: that of the soaking wet slave girl running up to her. It didn't take much mental prodding to utterly terrify the slave girl. Pirates, bandits, thieves, and slavers surrounded them; it was natural for the girl to cling to the one woman more terrifying then them all. "Stay close, girl," the pirate queen said, gently running a hand through her slave’s hair. "We will be back on the ship soon, alright?" The slave nodded, and stopped shivering.

The two women walked, one clinging tightly to the arm of the other. Their destination was at exactly the point where the grime stopped. Felt Mansion may have been located in the port city but it was by no means part of it. Every window was blocked with a green curtain, every door was shut and bolted, and the green wooden porch looked untouched by man or nature. Mindfang made sure to wipe all the mud from her boots on those steps. She knocked on the door, gave it exactly eight seconds and then grabbed the nearest mind she could find to open it for her.

Cans was a very small minded individual, but he made up for it almost entirely with enthusiasm. When he was given an order he followed it as quickly as his large body allowed. Mindfang stepped to the side, pulling her slave out of the way as 300+ pounds of muscle broke through the door with a loud "OH YEAH!"

He turned towards what he thought was his boss, ready for another order. Mindfang kicked him hard between the legs with her steel toed boots and knocking him flat on his ass. She clicked her heel against the ground, revealing a boot knife. "Don't look away, girl," she ordered as she made good use of the blade.

Green Torsos Dead:1/15

The slave girl stepped around the corpse, not wanting any of the bright red blood to get onto her dress. She was used to the rags the sea dwellers had forced on her, but Mindfang had given her a finely tailored dress that matched the color of her blood. It was one of her mistress' many gifts, and she was terrified of what would happen if she let it be stained with blood of another hue.

They were in the mansion now, green floors with green walls with green steps and green clocks. Every second was marked by 108 simultaneous ticks.

Mindfang walked up to the nearest one, kicking it over and stomping on its face until glass shattered and hands bent.

Every second was marked by 107 simultaneous ticks.

"Mistress, what was that man?" the slave asked nervously, her voice barely audible over the many ticks. She felt its candy-red blood sticking to her feet as she moved closer to her, its color familiar to her, hinting at some of the memories the seadwellers had beaten out of her.

"It doesn't matter," Mindfang replied, grabbing her slave by the hand and leading her into the next room. "Probably some creature invented by the asshole who rules this mansion. Anyway, he was considerate enough to give them minds, so they're nothing but prey for me. Now stay close, girl." She punched a clock absentmindedly as she passed it, her fist shattering its green-tinted face. The expensive black leather gloves she had taken from her kismesis were none the worse for wear.

A green knife stabbed towards her subordinate, but Mindfang was fast enough (and lucky enough) to pull her out of the way. The hand vanished and Mindfang stood on guard. The hand reappeared, attempting another stab; Mindfang grabbed it and vanished.

Her slave jumped back in fright, looking around desperately for her disappearing mistress. Mindfang did not keep her waiting. She reappeared, her hand empty, her chest covered in red blood and a wide smile on her face. "Mistress, I don't understand…"

"Of course you don't," Mindfang muttered, her concentration more on the still-ticking clock across the room. "Trust your mistress to do her work, don't disobey me or get in my way, and I'll keep you safe." She walked towards one of the exits away from the ticking clock, her slave silently followed. Mindfang grabbed a green candlestick as she walked, loudly bashing it into every clock they passed. They made their way around the first floor, stopping by another entrance to the room they had started in.

Another green man walked into the room, this one much smaller than the first and wearing a tail coat and a red hat with the number three on it. He was completely unaware of the woman and the slave watching him. This was Trace, the seer of the past. He had come to see what the noise was about. He saw the past trail of two troll women ripe for a suckerstabbing from the future; he attempted as much, only to be foiled by luck and reflexes. Normally he would have run away after such a failure, but something compelled him to try again. The taller troll woman grabbed his hand and was pulled into the future with him. This was no problem; he could just deactivate his powers and she would be sent back. He would deactivate them soon. Any second now. He wasn't entirely sure why he hadn't deactivated his powers. Maybe it had something to do with the blue-clad troll pirate in front of him, or the identical woman behind him. The point was that he now had two large swords intersecting through his torso, and he was slowly bleeding out while the two troll women had their lips locked together.

The slave wanted to pretend she was at all surprised, and failed miserably. She shielded her eyes from the lewdness before her, but couldn't resist peering through a crack large enough to render the gesture meaningless. Trace finally bled out and past Mindfang went back in time to complete the loop. Present Mindfang walked towards a part of the house that was still ticking, slave in tow.

Green Torsos Dead:2/15

The slave blushed a solid jade-green. She didn't look her mistress in the eye, but that was worth very little against a psychic, especially one who already knew her well. Mindfang laughed; these little green men were such fun, her little green pet was even more fun, and today she would finally get one over on that annoying white-texted asshole.

"Mistress, may I ask a question?" the slave asked nervously as the two climbed a spiraling staircase to the second floor.

"You just did."

"I-I m-mea-"

"I'm kidding," Mindfang reassured her, turning around and gently patting her on the head. "Now stop shaking and ask me your question, dear."

She nodded and took a deep breath. "Why are we here, mistress? You just looked at that cueball of yours when you woke up and then told me to follow you."

"I asked it where I could find myself another advantage and it told me to look in here." They reached the top of the stairs and yet another clock; she jammed her candlestick into the gears. There was a grinding sound and it broke.

"Why bring me?"

"Because you're cute, and it would be a shame if no one got to witness me at my best," she answered, trying to pull the candle out of the clockwork. "Besides, it told me to for some-" The faint sound of plaster shattering made Mindfang's eyes widen, and she ran at her slave, pushing her down the staircase and then ran towards another room.

The slave ended up as a crumpled heap at the bottom of the steps, she groaned and picked herself up. She saw what had caused her mistress to run so fast. The entire floor above was being reduced to holes by the bullets of a very large minigun. A voice in her head told her to run. She obeyed.

* * *

Quarters had a very uncomplicated and, generally, very successful method of dealing with problems. Just point his minigun at the problem and shoot enough bullets to perforate a small army. He was very thorough, a solid wall of lead destroying the green bricks of the mansion itself. Mindfang ran, her luck holding out as the mansion behind her exploded. She ducked through rooms and hallways, running in a large circle. She was never so unlucky as to run into a locked door.

It wasn't until she reached back where she had started that she turned around to look at the green man attacking her. Quarters had completely run out of ammo in his failed attempt to shred the annoying pirate. What he had succeeded in doing, however, was breaking every supporting wall on this floor of the mansion. Mindfang ran down the stairs, and Quarters had barely a second to look up and gaze at the enormity of his mistake before gravity took over and dropped the entire upper part of the mansion down upon him.

Green Torsos Dead: 4/15

***

The slave didn't stop running, even as she heard gunshots above her head. She ran blindly, only stopped by the many locked doors she ran into. There were many locked doors and her luck had been particularly awful lately.

Her mind was completely filled with the last order she had been given. She didn't process the fact that she had trampled over an anemic-looking green corpse and noticing that she had been stabbed from the past took her a few seconds. And then she was dead, her body impaled on a pool stick, her last sight as a living person the triangular face of Fin. The gangster's sharp teeth curled into a smile; one of the two bitches that had invaded the mansion was dead.

He was not, strictly speaking, incorrect. However, such technicalities were lost on him when the future version of said bitch put a much sharper set of teeth into his neck.

Green Torsos Dead: 3/15

Minutes later in the future a very angry, very bright troll pulled a cue stick out of herself. The three story mansion became a two story mansion with a very loud crash, the roof barely holding.

Green Torsos with explained deaths: 4/15

The rainbow drinker jumped on the ten minute old corpse, lapping up as much blood as she could before it all dried up. A black hand tapped on her shoulder, and she growled as she turned around. In that hand was a white tube, and more memories from before her enslavement welled up at the sight of of the cosmetic label. She grabbed it and uncapped it. She looked up, but the owner of the black hand was already gone.

There was a mirror nearby. For the first time since her enslavement, the newly minted rainbow drinker stood up straight. Troll lips were naturally black, but she thought they could always stand to be blacker. She smiled and held her chainsaw in her hand. She still wasn't completely sure who she was yet, but a title came to her head: Dolorosa.

***

Mindfang, meanwhile, was worried; she had completely lost track of her slave and there was a new, utterly alien mind in the mansion. For all she knew, it could have been the host. That would be bad.

A white flash of light appeared in front of her, but a very fat green man blocked her view of its source. Sawbuck. A chainsaw embedded in his bulk revved up, which apparently counted as a new injury, and both Sawbuck and his attacker teleported somewhere else in space and time. Mindfang frowned, confused. Confusion was not fun.

Mindfang decided it was best to keep walking, since her little white advantage had promised her some valuable treasure in the mansion, and going in the direction of the nearest mind seemed as good a way as any to find it. This particular mind felt very odd. It was certainly alive, but it didn't seem to be thinking much of anything.

She opened a door to the room with the mind, her blade ready for whatever time based trickery the next green man would be capable of. Doze, the one with the blue hat looked at her, not moving at all. She walked up to him cautiously, trying to pry into what she assumed was a brain. Still he did not move. She held the sword right up to his neck but he still did not move. She waved her hand in front of his face. After a half minute long delay she finally saw movement. His eyes followed the path of her hand, but very, very slowly. She shrugged and decapitated him. His head was still slowly rolling off his body when she left the room.

She nearly stepped on the next one, the smallest one of them all. Clover.

"I can get you what you seek," he said.

"Oh, this one talks?"

"I can do more than that," he said, his voice annoyingly high pitched. "If you just answer one of my riddles I'll tell you where what you want is." His arms were spinning; he was already conjuring a mind-bending, time-twisting riddle sure to stump even the great Marquise Spinneret Mindfang.

Mindfang just rolled her eyes and threw her dice in the air. They landed behind Clover, and an 8 shot revolver appeared in her hand.

Clover laughed, "Really? A gun? You can't harm me with a gun, I'm much too lucky." She fired the gun, and it clicked. He laughed even louder. Three clicks later, he was gasping for air from his laughing fit.

Mindfang fired the gun for a fifth time, not at all bothered by its malfunction. "Little green man, there is something you need to understand." Click.

"Oh, and what is that pirate lady? Is it that you are not worthy to answer my riddles? Because I knew that already! I am entirely too clever for you and your silly gun!" Click.

Her finger rested on the trigger, and her fangs bared in a wide grin. "I have aaaaaaaall the luck!!!!!!!!" Clover's head was blown off with a loud bang.

Green Torsos Dead: 7/15

***

The Dolorosa checked the clock beside her; Sawbuck had finally died at more or less the same time as she had encountered him. She chopped the clock in half to establish chronology. She had seen her mistress for a split second. Even though the lipstick had brought back many repressed instincts, so much of herself was still locked away. She wanted to be with the woman that had taken her away from the seadwellers, the one that had possessed and protected her. She hoped that her new glowing skin wouldn't cause her mistress to reject her.

A door behind her exploded, and she spun around to see cloth effigies of two different Felt members flooding the room. She turned on her chainsaw and waded through the pile of cloth and stuffing. Elsewhere in the mansion Mindfang, who was stuck inside a sea of time-duplicated Eggs and Biscuits, trying to thin the ever-growing herd with a glowing blue blade. Several dozen of them were spontaneously eviscerated, spewing red blood and green giblets everywhere. Mindfang decided that this was all probably a terrible idea.

The Dolorosa finally managed to reach the source of the effigies. Stitch was there, and he was very annoyed. The one day he brought the effigies from their usual warehouse in order to move them to a larger one, and this happened? Stitch muttered to himself loudly, not even hearing the sound of the chainsaw until it bisected him. He had been working on an unutterably tacky green coat. It was abhorrent to the Dolorosa's very being. She tore it to bits.

Meanwhile, Mindfang had gotten utterly fed up with everything and threw down her dice. It was a good roll, reloading the gun that she had used to kill Clover. She fired, the first seven shots hitting one of the eggtimers in the room and the eighth utterly shattering it. All of the time clones vanished, leaving just one iteration of Eggs and Biscuits. She kicked Biscuits in the stomach, the knife in her boot breaking off inside him. Then she turned to the very terrified Eggs.

What she had failed to pay attention to was the fire place behind her, which had been lit the entire time. Matchstick stepped out of it, putting it out behind him with his fire extinguisher. Mindfang turned around right as the large green man grabbed her neck, lifting her up. All the luck in the world couldn't help her get away from a hand around her throat.

Eggs stood there, gaping at his luck like the utter moron that he was. He didn't have long to gape, however, as a very fast and very protective rainbow drinker pounced on him, fangs bared, and made an attempt to eat him.

Her attempt was an overwhelming success.

Matchsticks was next, a punch to the gut knocking his now swooning victim out of his hands and a swift decapitation taking care of him completely.

Green Torsos Dead: 12/15

Mindfang stared at her glowing, blood-covered slave. The slave, in turn, looked down in shame. "I'm sorry, mistress," she said, spitting out Eggs' blood. "I got the dress you gave me dirty…"

Mindfang responded by embracing her. She found her beloved servant's mind underneath the feral rage of the rainbow drinker and used her powers to calm her down as much as she could. "It's fine, you're better this way," she said honestly.

The adrenaline from the fighting and the sight of her slave glowing like a goddess of war added up to an urge Mindfang could not possibly ignore. She held the Dolorosa by the horns and began kissing her passionately.

Itchy attempted to interrupt their tender moment, running at the two women with his time assisted speed. However, a whip snapped out of nowhere, wrapped around his neck and decapitated him. Sn0wman walked into the room, flanked by Crowbar.

"Do I have to kill you too?" Mindfang asked, her companion standing in front of her, chainsaw drawn.

"Nothing like that," Sn0wman answered, obviously smirking despite having no visible mouth. "Your antics here have caused enough damage in time and space already. Our host has no way to see us and no way to return, which means we can give you the treasure you came for." She snapped her fingers and Crowbar walked forward, dislodging a large painting in the wall and revealing a safe. Shaking but unable to resist Sn0wman's command, he smashed his Juju against it. The resulting backwash of temporal energy blasted him to bits and revealed what was inside.

A small troll girl was keeping time inside, banging her head against the wall in ten-second intervals. Blood was streaming down her face, of the lowest possible color. She was forced into a straitjacket, her feet shackled together, her eyes blindfolded and her mouth taped up tightly. She had lost her movement privileges in a truly spectacular fashion more than a month ago. The Dolorosa ran to the emaciated girl, lifting her and holding her close to her chest. Mindfang held back, read the girl's mind, and smiled. Yes, this was a treasure worth coming for, and now it was in its rightful place... with the pir8 queen.

Green Torsos Dead: 14/15

Number of floors in three story mansion: 2

New members of the Pirate Queens Crew: 1

 

**Author's Note:**

> This request spiraled out of control, believe me there is plenty more to come.


End file.
